I’m not sure how to say this without sounding whiny and weak, but I’m going to give it a shot. I hope that there are a few of you out there who can understand what I mean.
When you’re on the road to obesity and you’re eating away your feelings, there is a point in that journey when you stop feeling like a person and more like a thing. I don’t know how the men feel, but when a woman stops feeling girly and pretty…well…we don’t like that. Throughout my life as an obese person, I’ve lost the woman underneath. I’ve withered and hid myself away as much as possible. I lost sight of the fact that I liked pretty dresses once upon a time in my life…and I enjoyed reading women’s magazines for the beauty tips and the cardboard perfume thing you rub on your arm. Somewhere around size 24 or 26, I lost my inner girly girl and just gave up.
Now, coming back down the other side of things, I find that I mostly lumber through my life in unflattering clothes and ugly shoes and just want to go home and hide. When I run into someone I haven’t seen in a long time, I’m almost apologetic over my appearance. I miss the woman I used to be. I’m ashamed of the creature I’ve become.
My inner raccoon led me to something quite fabulous the other day and it’s brought all these issues up in spades. I read about this on The Small Things blog: the Birch Box. Basically, you can subscribe and get a new one every month for $10…and it’s nicely sized samples of high end beauty products all packaged up in an adorable box. I love it!
My first Birch Box arrived today. I got so excited when I saw that adorable pink package in my mailbox. I rushed in the house and opened it. So cute. What girly things will I get to try today?
I got a sample of a chocolate chip brownie lara bar, a VMV Hypoallergenics serum for under eye circles, a nice little bottle of Joya nail polish in blue-grey, a fuschia lip gloss, and a sample of Juicy Couture perfume.
Fun! It was all neatly wrapped in pink tissue. It was like Christmas…I loved getting this box. And it’s all little girlie things that put me back in touch with my feminine side once again. I’m wearing the Juice Couture already and, of course, hubby has to tell me that it’s too flowery. I reminded him that, more often than not, he’s a little too farty.
I’ll have a smile on my face as I go to bed tonight. I feel the promise of recapturing a part of life that I really enjoyed and had long since lost. Sometimes it’s hard to look in the mirror when you have over 200 lbs to lose. You don’t see yourself. You see the beast. It makes it hard to keep positive and not beat yourself up.
I guess what I’m trying to say to my fellow chubby butterflies out there is…don’t forgot the beautiful person you are underneath all this crap we’ve heaped on ourselves. You deserved to pamper yourself a little. Make sure you take time for the joys in life. Big or small.
I’ll be back tomorrow with some serious snark for the fitness industry. For now, I feel pretty. 🙂