We don’t have “normal” kids. Otherwise this blog would be filled with stories of my Hot Mess children. Instead, we have two incredibly large dogs who are loaded with personality and love. And a little drool. So when Momma Kat handed out the blog memes this week and I saw this one, I knew I had to do it.
If you haven’t heard of the “Reasons My Son Is Crying” tumblr page, it’s basically a Mom being creative and using tumblr as a sort of therapy/venting tool to laugh about the roller coaster existence you have when you have a toddler in your life. I was most inspired to create my own version of it…but my son isn’t human…and the only time he cries is when someone eats a piece of pizza too close to the crust and he thinks he’s not going to get any.
My son is a 1/2 English Sheep Dog, 1/2 Saint Bernard, 130 pound Hot Mess puppy dog. Named Dyson. Yes…he’s named after a vacuum cleaner (so is my daughter Kirby, the 100% pure bred Saint Bernard with a fetish for stealing hamburger buns).
Dyson wears many hats in our family. Playmate for Kirby. Protector of the family. Arch nemesis to Sarah the cat. Turd burglar. And now…photobomber.
Here is Dyson in all his big, brown-eyed, muppet dog glory:
By the way, for those of you who haven’t heard the term “photobomb”, it’s basically the word used to describe what happens when someone is taking a picture or video and someone else ducks in at the last minute and steals the focus. Sometimes it’s on purpose and sometimes it’s not, but the results are usually pretty funny.
Here are a few examples:
You get the idea…
Anyway, I was in California last weekend, and one of the things on my “to do” list was to show Mom how to use the webcam on her new computer. After I created desktop shortcuts for her email and YouTube accounts (she watches Englebert Humperdink videos online…I’m not even making that shit up), I set up Skype. I had Hot Mess Hubby call us on webcam. Not only did she get to see how it works, but she got to visit with her incredibly scruffy son-in-law for a while as well. Two birds, one stone. Everyone wins. Except me because, as you’ll see in the photo below, I have to kiss a beard with a face under it.
So…in the middle of our webcam visit, Dyson hears my voice. We couldn’t see him, but apparently he was looking everywhere for me. He could hear me, of course, but he couldn’t find me. And then it happened.
Mom and I were cracking up. It was adorable in a thousand ways I just can’t describe. Out of nowhere, this giant muppet head floats into view…and when he sees me on the screen, he tilts his head curiously and launches himself at my laptop. (I came home last night to find a giant spot of dried drool on the screen of my beloved laptop.) He was giving me kisses.
He just wanted his Momma. True to his personality, he inserted himself where he needed to be in order to find me. And get kisses.
I seem to bring out the kissy monster in this boy. He was just a 3 month old, 35 pound puppy when I met him at St Cloud’s Rescue. He was wearing the Cone of Shame and I was sitting on the grass waiting to see which puppies took an interest in me. He waddled right up to me, shoved the Cone of Shame over my head, and kissed me in the face. Between that and his adorable chubby butt, it didn’t take too long for me to fall in love.
Since then, Dyson has led a very pampered, spoiled life. If he was a human, his last name would be Kardashian. Think about it: long hair, big brown eyes, huge badonka-donk. Plus, he’s not the sharpest pencil in the box. Total Kardashian.
In his defense, though, he has a huge heart full of love – and he would never make a sex tape. My boy’s got class. He’s a snuggly, farty, unruly mess of love and devotion. He’s ever vigilant, never far away, and God forbid if I’m writing and he thinks I should be paying attention to him. He photobombs my laptop.
And what do I do about it?
I close the laptop, pat the cushion next to me, and let him flop his giant ass up on the couch. Many sweet nothings are whispered, many belly rubs are given.
Anything for my rescue puppy…who really rescued me. I can’t wait to see what he photobombs next.
Please consider donating to St Cloud’s Rescue. There’s a donate button on their website.
What silly behaviors do your pets do? Tell me. 🙂