Don’t dim my fridge lights, bro!
On to part 2 of this amazing tale of tired feet, sore backs, and shattered dreams. I feel duty bound to tell you at this point that there may, indeed, be a part 3. I didn’t deliberately deceive y’all yesterday when I said I had to break it into 2 parts, I’m just a real [...]
Don’t Tell Me What I Can’t Do
“Well-meaning people” are going to be the death of me…or at least my patience. Someone I don’t know very well came to me today with the sole purpose of telling me that it’s time for me to have gastric bypass surgery. Please join me as I let out a horrified effing scream. Before I continue, [...]
Mojo-a-Gogo
My employer has a pretty cool program called “HealthMatters”. Basically, employees earn a reduction on next year’s insurance deductible by doing certain healthy activities like taking preventive tests and quitting naughty behaviors like smoking, eating too much, and dating jerks. Okay, I’m not sure about the jerk thing…but the rest is true. Every two to [...]
Bloaty, Crampy, Queasy, and Painful
No, I’m not naming dwarfs in some awkwardly inappropriate remake of Snow White. :-) That little ray of sunshine, Mother Nature, has come for a visit…along with her friends: Bloaty, Crampy, Queasy, and Painful. I’m going on 24 hours of gross. I feel hideous. This little visit is particularly awful, so of course last night [...]
Imaginary Lap Band – Day 1 is done!
Sweet Jump’in Jesus…what a day! I went to bed Wednesday night all excited about my Imaginary Lap Band experiment. I woke up with my inner Twinkie Worshiping Demon whining before my feet hit the floor. Perhaps I was dreaming about carbs chasing me. I can’t remember. I was fine through my normal morning routine, then [...]