It’s no secret, I’m in love with handbags. I am a self-professed handbag ho. I admit it. I’m proud of it. It’s either this…or cake – and handbags don’t make my pants tighter.
I’ve been obsessing about Dooney & Bourke’s Hydrangea line ever since I saw it – but, like many families today, we’re on a pretty tight budget and I just can’t go running around buying up designer handbags whenever I want. Sure, I could’ve married a rich guy with abs of steel…but I didn’t. And I love my squishy, handsome, unshaven blue-eyed plumber’s crack show’in hubby.
I’m not gonna lie thought: if we won the lottery tomorrow, I could blow some serious money on designer handbags. (Nothing crazy like the $50,000 Birken or however you spell it. WTF is up with that!) Until I win the lottery or become a best selling author, I scrimp and save, empty the change thing in my car, and look under the couch cushions for every penny I can find if I want something pretty like this. Well, my friends, after much scrimping and saving, today is the day that Dooney & Bourke rocked my world. Again.
Here are the pics from my big day at the mall…
I had the Hydrangea satchel on hold…but when I got the store and the I’m-not-happy-with-chicks-who-get-too-excited sales lady brought it out, I noticed the sides were more floppy than I thought they’d be. Meanwhile, as if Jesus himself put it there for me to see, another Hydrangea bag sat perfectly upright on the shelf behind her…calling to me. At the last minute, I changed from the satchel to the Janine satchel. It has a boxy bottom – which is only a good thing if you’re a handbag – and then it’s effing awesome.
Right after this photo was taken, I turned to my girlfriend and said “Seriously, I could throw this bag down and hump it all across the floor if I didn’t think I’d wreck it…or get arrested.”
I hung out at the mall for a while on my own, not wanting to just sit on the Dallas North Tollway in traffic. I ended up being kidnapped by the girl at the Trish McEvoy make-up counter and she re-did my make-up. She was awesome. I heard all about her 24 acres and her pet donkey named Peanut. Not even making that up. She put mascara on me that actually made me look like I had eyelashes. I really enjoyed it.
I knew I’d have hell to pay when I got home because I’m never home late and the giant doggies would be fit to be tied, so I made sure to roll through Sonic on the way home to pick up a Hot Mess tradition: “Payday Hangabers”. Payday hamburgers. The dogs have never been able to pronounce “hamburger” correctly, but we give them a break because English is their second language.
After lulling them into a coma with a bag of meaty goodness, I sat down with my prize.
And here it is…my Dooney & Bourke Hydrangea Janine Satchel. I don’t think I’ll get anything done this weekend…I’m just gonna stare at it.
And now I’m just sitting here with the doggies…high as a kite from my orgasmic handbag score. Like I said: it’s either cake or handbags…and Dooney & Bourke doesn’t make me cry in the changing room.
Now if the Seven Dwarfs of the Menstrual Apocalypse would just get the hell out of town…I’d actually like to get back to the gym!
Happy Friday to y’all!!!