Uh oh…FAIL!

I failed! I tried to run before I could walk, damn it. Tried to soar before I could…fly. I…aww hell, I bit the big one.

I thought I was Little Miss Fancy Pants with my new resolve & new appreciation for healthy foods. So what did I do when I saw a recipe for a salad that sounded tasty?

I tried it.


You thought I ate a Twinkie, didn’t you? 🙂 Did I just fake y’all out? No, I’m still holding strong in my standoff with sweets & diet soda. Today’s lament is all about the green.

It wasn’t until last year that I timidly dipped my toe in the salad pool. Okay, that sounds gross…but you know what I mean. Up until last year, the only thing green I ate was gum and mint chip ice cream. When it comes to eating fresh green veggies, I’m a noob.

In my year long search for healthy vegetables that I actually enjoy, I’ve found one salad I can sink my teeth into without freaking out: 2 cups of raw spinach or arugula, 4 – 8 ounces of grilled chicken, and 2 tbsp. crumbled blue cheese. No dressing. I realized long ago that I absolutely hate all salad dressings. They’re too vinegar-y for me. Too…icky. Yuck. So that’s my brave little 3 ingredient salad.

A large part of my weight loss success depends on my ability to find healthy foods that are enjoyable. I simply can’t make the long haul of losing over 200 pounds if I’m just going to exist on foods I can barely tolerate. That’s not realistic. In order to really change to a healthier lifestyle, I’m determined to find healthy foods I genuinely enjoy.

Earlier this week, I found a recipe for a grilled zucchini salad that actually sounded tasty to me. Even the dressing sounded appealing! Oh, it looked so tasty…arugula, grilled zucchini ribbons, freshly grated parmesan, toasted hazelnuts. Mmmmm! I decided to give it a whirl. So what if I’ve spent my life thinking all greens tasted like I was gnawing on a big bowl of yard clippings? It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day! I’ve already given up sugar and diet soda. There’s no telling what I can do next. So off to the kitchen I went, ready to make this tasty salad.

I grilled the zucchini and toasted the hazelnuts. It all smelled wonderful. Then I put it all together and tossed, tossed, tossed. Made the dressing. Eew. Okay, I really like red wine vinegar when I use it in my “kick-asserole” that I make for the hubby sometimes – but, again, it made the dressing too vinegar-y. Major hurl factor. I tossed it.

That’s okay, right? I trudged on. I dished up a big bowl of salad and plopped on the couch. I was a little hesitant about the zucchini because I’ve never tried it before. Hey, don’t judge! I have over 200 pounds to lose. Does that sound like a person who eats a lot of green veggies? Probably not. 🙂 My mother has stories about trying to make me eat vegetables as a kid that are legendary. My distaste for all foods green goes way back.

It really was a beautiful looking salad. I loaded up my fork and took a big chomp. Beautiful or not, though, as soon as it hit my tongue I was completely freaked out. It tasted like I plunged face first into the lawn and took a big bite of grass. GAH! Help!! Too much green! Overload! Overload!!! Must…have….chicken….!!!

Yep… I’m not ready for a salad that’s all green. I can fake myself out with my plain ol’ grilled chicken salad by grabbing a piece of diced chicken on every fork full of spinach, but eating the green stuff alone? I can’t. I CAN’T! Now I know why people smother their salads with dressing, though. They’re masking the lawn-like taste of the green stuff, right?

I admit that I’m extremely inexperienced in all things veggie. Those Hidden Valley Ranch commercials where the carnival foods are all substituted for veggies really creep me out. Seriously? Cauliflower instead of popcorn? Who does that? They’re on drugs!

I resisted all urges to purge my taste buds with a good coating of chocolate. Instead, I wrapped my arms around our Saint Bernard’s big doggy shoulders and got a hug. One of Kirby’s best traits is that she wraps her head around my neck and hugs me back. She let out a huge sigh as if to say “Yeah, I don’t get the green veggie thing either, Momma…”. She knows how to make it all better when I have a bad day.

Even though I literally bit off more than I could chew, I still look at this as an NSV: a Non Scale Victory. I saw something I thought would be tasty. Something green. And I tried it. That’s a far cry from the ten year old Princess Dianne whose mother chased her around the dining room table with a green bean, begging her to just taste it.

Oh, and did you notice? The weight loss ticker on my blog has gone down another pound. 🙂 13 pounds are history.

Yes, I will keep pushing myself to try new green foods – but I won’t be doing it without my grilled chicken safety net. I don’t imagine that I’ll get all cocky about veggies again – at least for a while. But I am quite proud of myself for my little adventure into green veggie land. I really have come a long way.

(And no, I never did taste that green bean…my Mom is 86 years old and still bitching about it.)

11 thoughts on “Uh oh…FAIL!

  1. Oh Dianne, the only way I like zucchini is if it’s in a sweet bread. 🙂

    As for salad dressings, I make my own. Olive oil, balsamic vinegar, a touch of raw honey and a touch of mustard. It’s brown and makes the salad look a little funky but it tastes awesome! Give it a go some time!

    1. I would, but I think you just said VINEGAR…didn’t you? LOL. I don’t know why, but I can’t handle it! 🙂

  2. If you’re feeling adventurous anytime soon try this recipe. I ate this almost everyday as a meal alone or a side to grilled chicken. Its a good all veggie dish and the olive oil takes that strong veggie taste away.

    3 zucchini
    3 yellow squash
    3 Roma tomatoes
    1 white onion

    Chop ’em all up, coat a skillet with extra virgin olive oil and (if you’re feelin frisky a small pat of butter) heat and throw everything in until sautéed to your liking. Incredible!

    1. It’ll take me a while to get my adventurous veggie spirit back, Allison, but I will definitely keep this in mind!!! 🙂

  3. My favorite saying is that I do not like RABBIT food- but why would i want to eat like a rabbit anyway? They are cute and ROUND and while they are fuzzy, that is not the shape I am working towards. I already have it! I got it from food that i enjoy not rabbit food!
    Try some creamy dressings that are very low cal-read labels. I found mayo that has 15 cals per spoonful; that gets mixed with other stuff but no vinegar. I eat my salads with tuna and Kraft fat free Catalina at a cost of 25 cals per tablespoonful.

    1. All great suggestions! Thanks, Debbie!!!

      PS here’s a bunny joke for you: what’s invisible and smells like carrots?

      BUNNY FARTS! 🙂

  4. I too, dislike most salad dressings, I get the whole vinegar aversion! *Pucker*

    Here is a great salad dressing option, I use a fabulous Sweet Ginger Teriyaki sauce on my salads instead traditional dressings. Try “Far East’s Sweet Ginger Teriyaki Sauce” on any salad or even a bit over your veggies. You do not need to use much, especially if you toss your salad.

    Most people will turn their nose up when they hear “Teriyaki” on salad, but for us “dressing haters” it is a great alternative!

  5. Snow, that is a great suggestion! Thank you, my Pucker Princesss! Err…Non Pucker Princess…err…you know what I mean. 🙂 I will look for that!

  6. Have you every tried drinking your green veggies??? Mmmm mmm good. Make a green smoothie, try it you’ll like it. You can put fruits with the veggies to completely mask the taste of the veggies. It’s really good and good for you. Go to greensmoothiegirl.com and get some smoothie recipes. I drink green smoothies all the time. They are yummy! Start with just putting handful of spinach in with the fruits of your choice and blend with ice. Taylor the smoothie with the fruits and veggies you like to eat.

    1. Donna, I’ve been thinking more and more about doing this actually…but I went online shopping for a juicer yesterday and $400?? Holy crap! I was thinking of maybe starting with one of the $200 ones, but they all have horrible product reviews.

      $400 for something I may not like is just not in the Hot Mess household budget this year. Yikes!!

      Are you using a blender or a juicer? What kind??

  7. What about roasting veggies? My kids will eat asparagus and brussels sprouts, but only if they are roasted (or grilled). They like them a little crispy. 

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