Flying Fat


I’m so sorry that I was quiet for so long…I went on vacation last week and completely lost my writing rhythm for some reason, something that doesn’t usually affect me but smacked me right in the 3.5 asses this time.  I’m back!

Hot Mess Hubby and I flew off to visit my family last week.  I work in the travel industry, so I actually have the opportunity to fly a lot.  With planes getting more and more cramped as airlines try to increase capacity, my flight experiences have remained surprisingly positive.  This is mostly due to the fact that I have the ability to see which flights are going to be jam packed and which flights have plenty of room – so I usually just plan my travel schedule around the roomy flights and then ask the gate agent to put me next to an empty seat so I’m not encroaching on someone else’s space.  If I’m traveling with the hubby, though, I don’t worry about it…he’s used to me encroaching on him.  That’s usually where my problems end when it comes to airplane travel – or that’s what I thought until we boarded our plane.

We were thrilled to be on a brand new plane.  It was clean and pretty and had this really awesome ambient lighting on it.  Here’s the light as seen over Hot Mess Hubby’s head:

I was so happy to have the hubby with me (he hadn’t seen my family in a year) and so excited to be flying on a new plane that I let my guard down for two seconds and completely forgot that all airplane seats are not created equal.  It wasn’t until I scooted into our row (an exit row) and was clicking my seat belt extender in place that I realized…the armrests were permanently fixed.  They didn’t flip up.  Shit.

I turned around and slowly lowered myself into my seat, trying to remain positive as my 3.5 asses made contact with the armrests on both sides.  As I forced myself down into the seat and felt my hips get pinched into oblivion, I tried not to say horrible things to myself and get negative.  I really had to fight not to start my vacation off on a seriously bad note.  Bless his sweet little heart, the hubby tried to help as best he could.

He had to help me fasten the seat belt because I couldn’t move anything from the waist down and the knees up – and I couldn’t see anything because the seat had shoved all my fat UP to the point where my boobs were holding my chin up.  I was mortified…and in pain…and had to fight unexpected tears at this sudden, very unpleasant reminder of how very far I have to go in order to get to my goal weight.  Suddenly, 34 pounds and 19.5 inches lost made me feel like a big fat slacker.  And then the hubby, speaking in the soft & steady voice he uses to calm me down when I get all teary, starts pointing out the guy in 8A who’s shoulders are so broad he’s touching the lady next to him.  He points out the lady in 10D who’s hanging over into the aisle probably to put some space between her and a guy who looks like his breath is pretty stanky.  Hubby squeezes my hand and tells me how great I’m doing…and before I know it, it’s time to turn off all electronic devices and get ready for take off.

I wedged myself against the window and listened to music on my Kindle Fire.  I had long silver earrings on as well, so imagine my surprise when hubby leans over to put the ear bud out of the my ear and tugs on the earring.  Yowch!  Can see the ear bud cord and the earring?  I can tell the difference.  Not sure what his problem was!

We had a wonderful trip and visited with tons of friends and family.  It was harder for me than I thought it would be in that so many activities were planned around lunch and dinner – and our schedule was pretty full.  There were a few times that we were rushing off to have lunch somewhere when I was still satisfied from breakfast.  I don’t like stepping outside my normal eating routine and schedule, even after 4 months.  I’ve been successful thus far for a reason and I’m almost superstitious about changing anything.

We stayed with my Mom, which meant sleeping in twin beds because that what she has in her spare rooms.  Fun!  Poor hubby’s bed was so uncomfortable that he was pulling the mattress down onto the floor every night for better back support.  My room wasn’t much better.  Every morning, I rolled out of my twin bed and looked up to see my giant reflection in a mirrored closet door.  Hair all wild, eyes all squinty, and flab and fat in all its glory.  Not a fun thing to look at in the morning.  It was a good time, though, and nice to see everyone.

Before we knew it, we were back at the airport and getting ready to come back home.  We boarded the plane and were lucky enough to get row 7, which is the bulkhead right behind first class.  Lots of legroom!  So there I am, standing in front of my seat and attaching my seat belt extender and…shit.  Shit, shit, shit.  The armrests in row 7 don’t move.  Hubby’s eyes got all big and he asked me if they could bump us to the next flight.  They could, yes, but I really just wanted to get home.  I decided that I could suffer through the Playdoh Ass Factory one last time.

We took our seats.  Hubby helped with my seat belt.  I couldn’t sit back because there was too much ass between me and the back of the seat, so I asked hubby to fold up my jacket and give me some extra lumbar support back there.  All of a sudden, I feel him put his hand back there and he starts shoving my ass down into the seat…as if he was tucking a shirt into his pants.  Push, smoosh, cram, pack.  He caught the horrified look on my face and then I just started laughing.  He kissed me on the cheek and laughed with me.  There were a few tears of humiliation in there, but I was just so grateful to be going home and back to my normal schedule.

Two and a half hours later, we were landing in the sweet, soft spring air of Texas.  About 50% of my body was numb and I had a large bruise on my left leg from the arm rest digging into my skin.  But I was home.  Home, sweet, Texas home.

We’re in the middle of 7 Days of Sanity on my Facebook fan page if you want to head over there and join us.  I have a feeling I’ll be working on making exercise a consistent habit for a long time.  Let’s keep going with this!

Also, I just have to share this with y’all.  I found this in SkyMall magazine on the plane and I really REALLY want to try and get one of these.

It’s really not in my budget at all, but wow…this looks like fun.  And those Al-Qaida bugs won’t stand a chance…I’ll be going too fast!  And there’s no seat, so there’s no need to tuck my asses into anything – or worry about those tiny bike seats that would have to be removed by a proctologist if I ever sat on one.

I would love to try one of these babies.  What a great idea!!!

Click here to visit their website!


One more thing:  April was about losing inches, apparently.  My goal for May is 339 lbs by the end of the month.  It’s time for me to forge ahead and get moving  What’s your goal for May?

No time to waste…let’s do this!!



3 thoughts on “Flying Fat

  1. Sounds like an awesome trip – definitely worth the airplane snafu’s!  I cannot believe May is here tomorrow!!  I really want to be in Onederland by end of May.  Around 8lbs to get there.  I’ve been stalled for a couple of weeks…8lbs might as well be 20.  Ugh.  Definitely doing the 7 days of Sanity and doing high protein/low carb day today after yesterday’s cookie/brownie festival.  They say the biggest secret and key to success is just don’t quit, so here’s to moving forward!!

  2. Do you think you could fit through the window exit on the aircraft? If not, why should you sit there?

    1. Toni –

      It certainly looked wide enough…even for me.  Thanks for your concern.

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