Marbles have moved…

…not into the jar I wanted, though.

I have gained 7 pounds.  Gained.  Me.  I thought I was over this shit.

I plinked 7 marbles back into the “Pounds to Go” jar.

I sat myself down yesterday and took a good hard look at the decisions I’ve been making.  Just sitting down and looking this squarely in the face did me a world of good.  It helped me put some things in perspective.  Mainly:

– First, it’s only 7 pounds. I jumped right on the Coulda Woulda Shoulda train and started beating myself up at first.  Then I got a grip and remembered to be grateful that  I caught this when I did. Not too long ago, I wouldn’t have realized there was a problem until my pants wouldn’t zip…and then I’d just order pizza and give up.

– Second, the fault lies squarely on my shoulders and my shoulders only.  I got a little lazy in a lot of ways:

* I stopped logging my food.  When I finally do hit my goal weight, I’m not always going to log my food…but I think I stopped too soon. (And maybe I will always log it…who knows!)  Add to that the occasional margarita or two…a fork full of peanut butter as a quick snack…and that shit adds up.

* I started grazing.  We don’t keep junk food in the house anymore, so I guess I figured I’d be okay…but an unplanned handful of almonds is a lot of calories right before bed – and I’ve been guilty of that a lot lately.

* I fell back on “convenience eating” a little.  Most junk food and fast food doesn’t appeal to me anymore at all, but there are some places that still tempt me.  Whataburger is one, but that’s easy to avoid because it’s inconvenient for me to go there most days.  The local mom & pop pizza place that makes a delicious large pepperoni pie, however…that’s another thing.  Hot Mess Hubby and I have been too willing to just not cook lately.  Tsk tsk tsk!  I need to remember that I am worth all this trouble…and that includes cooking for myself.

In addition, I’ve been eating out more at work.  Not a huge deal, but if I’m going to eat out more I need to make better choices when I do.  Or work it off on the treadmill.  I’ve done neither.

* I have still not been successful at making exercise a habit.  Tick tock, tick tock…time’s a wasting!


















So this is what’s been going on with me lately.  I’m not going to beat myself up over this, but I did give myself one good solid kick in the ass.  I deserve that.  Now I’m in “fix it mode”.  I can’t just beat myself up and do nothing else…I need to get moving in the right direction.

My solution:

I’m going to start weighing every day again.  See what happens when I don’t?  I get too complacent.  Too much bargaining goes on in my head.  I’m not saying this is what everyone should do, but this is what I have to do.  This is what works for me.  When I stop, this is what happens.

I’m back to logging my food.  I logged today and I have to be honest…I felt a little deprived.  I felt restricted.  I wasn’t happy to feel this way.  I’d been telling myself I was tougher than this.  In reality, I’ve been eating more calories than I need – and because I haven’t been logging my food and haven’t been getting on the scale, I didn’t see it.  I haven’t been using all the wonderful tools I have at my disposal.

No more grazing.  In fact, after dinner I’m going to start drinking hot tea again.  Sometimes I forget that my Keurig brews tea just as well as coffee (which I only have once in the morning).  When I’m hungry after dinner, hot tea is very soothing and helps me feel full.  Plus it’s herbal…and healthy.

Speaking of healthy, I went out and bought healthy food for my mini fridge at work.  I’m only going to eat lunch out once a week.  That’s it.  When I eat out, I’m going to lighten up on other meals and make sure I work out that day.

And finally…come hell or high water…I’m going to make exercise a healthy habit.  I’m going to do it…I just have to figure out what works for me.

Maybe I was being naive, but I really never thought I would have to move any marbles back to the “Pounds to Go” jar.  It was not a good feeling to move those marbles, but I had to.  I gained those pounds back.  It didn’t feel right to let them sit in the “Pounds Lost” jar when they didn’t stick.  If anything, it strengthened my resolve to plink them the hell back into the “Pounds to Go” jar.

This is hitting me at a bad time, but I am the only one to blame.  (And really…when is it a good time?)  I’ve got some extra stress in my life right now.  Our Saint Bernard, Kirby, has a cancerous growth on her back and has to have surgery on Thursday.

This girl…this 120 pound angel in fur…she is my heart & soul.  I’m having a hard time not obsessing about this.  We won’t know anything more until Thursday and I’m just trying to get through it as best I can.  I can’t lose my girl.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’m facing a medical scare myself.  (Is it weird that I’m more upset about my dog’s cancer than about my own medical scare?)  I will share what mine is about after I know what I’m dealing with…and after I’ve told my family & friends.  If there’s anything to tell.  It may be nothing.  That’s what I’m praying for. I have to be sure – and because I’m not feeling well, I’m skipping the treadmill today…and probably tomorrow.

There is a little good news in all this, though.  🙂  I’m attending my very first blogger conference this weekend.  I feel like a “big kid” now…sitting at the grown-up’s table. I’m going to have a great time meeting my fellow bloggers and learning how to produce a better blog!  I’m really looking forward to this weekend…and I’m hoping I’ll have good news from the vet and from my doctor so that I can just enjoy my learning experience.

As soon as I plinked those 7 marbles back in the “Pounds to Go” jar, I promised myself I would focus on the road ahead and stop focusing on my big screw-up – so that’s what I’m going to do.  I gained them back.  Okay.  But you know what?  I’ve lost them before.  They should be scared right now…because here I come again.

With a vengeance.














Have you screwed up?  Put down the pizza and just walk away from it, peeps.  Let’s go.  The only time we really fail is when we stop trying.  Don’t leave me standing on this road all alone. Tell me your story…let me hear from you.  Tell me how you’ve navigated over the setbacks.

Let’s get going…we have work to do.

13 thoughts on “Marbles have moved…

  1. I admire your honesty and accountability! I’m just as guilty of
    slacking in certain areas as well. We’ll get through this! Prayers for you and puppy too!

  2. I wish I could say it gets easier. I lost and maintained a 90 pound loss starting about 4 years ago. I am still struggling with ~7 pounds I gained back in February on a vacation. I’ve maintained it there … lost a few, gained them back. So I’m not giving up. I want those 7 pounds gone too! Don’t ever give up! Just keep working at it … it WILL happen!!

  3. Slipped up?…heck I’ve got a “Slip and Slide” that runs from my couch to the kitchen. I have avoided the scale…but I plan to weigh in tomorrow, but I know that it is not good. I can feel it (the fat, that is) sitting on my mid-section.

    I have started working with my fr-enemy (the bitch) and slowly we are getting re-acquainted. I started last week on the elliptical and every day I add 5 minutes to my workout. I am up to 35 minutes now, and I am working my way back to that magical hour (when all the fat starts melting off me)

    There are certain vacations that are not “fatty” friendly. Cruising is definitely not a great way to stick to a diet. Yes, they offer healthy alternatives and I take them up on those choices, but not all the time. And it is so difficult to resist the abundance offered all day, every day. On top of that, just returning to visit the U.S.A. is a huge hit on my diet. There are so many wonderful (favorite) food options that are not available here in Panama, that I know that my diet is set on a collision course with high calories. Usually, I am good about excising (going to a gym with a temporary membership, or long hike/walks on the nature trails) but this time (add a whining tone) It was just Sooo hot, and I wasn’t there long enough for a gym membership.

    But I am getting back on track. I have recently discovered (or realized) that my prime time for losing weight is in the Autumn. It seems the weight just “Falls” off me(pun intended) This realization has really been a good motivator for me. I am getting to work, because this is my time for it.

    My prayers are going out to/for you and Kirby. I know that you won’t rest until you know that your furry angelic baby girl is O.K., but your health is also in my thoughts and prayers…so take care of you too.

  4. I’ve been losing and gaining the same 7 or so pounds for the last two months! I feel like we are both on a really eerily similar path. As of right now, I’ve lost a total of 43 pounds. I’ve been having so many motivation issues just as far as tracking my food. I’m 23, and am constantly tempted to go out and drink/get dinner, etc. It gets so exhausting to try and track all of that stuff, and I start making excuses like “oh, this isn’t that bad”, “I just won’t track for TONIGHT…… (a week later)… what did I eat this week??? And why did I gain three pounds??”, “It’s been a rough day, I ‘deserve’ this pizza”. Then I come back to reality and realize that none of these things are actually going to make me happy, and while in the short run they provide some small measure of comfort, they provide no comfort compared to that of being able to comfortably fit into a desk at school…. as well as a plethora of other things.

    I know I’ve got this handled if I FOCUS.

    Thank you for being an inspiration to me and helping me realize I’m not alone in my struggles! 🙂

  5. I know it is hard but I admire your determination. And at least you caught yourself before those seven pounds became 27 pounds. You can’t put a value on the focus required to maintain a healthy lifestyle and to lose weight. Just keep pushing on, minute by minute, and putting one foot in front of the other. You will get there. Meanwhile, know that you are an amazing inspiration for the rest of us!

  6. Glad you are back….
    I am so with you on this…I gained back a couple pounds and now I don’t want to go to WW and stand on the scale….and so the cycle goes.
    Thanks for the encouragemen to just ‘get on with it’
    ….blessing for the puppy….

  7. Hey there,
    I found you on SITS and wanted to say, OMG I love the pic about black being a funeral for my fat! That is going to totally motivate me!!!!

    Thanks for the laugh out loud moment.

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