The Plan that Can

Today, I begin preparation for my attack on the holiday season. Join me, won’t you?

I love the holidays. I love autumn, especially…when summer shrivels up and crawls back to hell (I live in Texas…trust me, hell ain’t that far off in the summer) and the leaves begin to change and everything gets crisp and chilly.  Perhaps you think this is rather ho-hum where you live…but I am a born and raised southern California girl – so I might appreciate the change of seasons a little more than most…because seasons don’t change in southern California.

I remember in school we would start decorating with orange, yellow, and red paper…we would make leaves and decorate the classroom.  We would carve pumpkins and talk about seasons changing.  I love this time of year.

Fall 1971. Saving babies with my American flag and my awesome macaroni necklace. A little Hot Mess Bad Ass in the making.


















As you can see, I get a little carried away sometimes.  Check out my Indian head dress and paper bag squaw garb.  I think this was the day we made cornbread in the school cafeteria just like our forefathers did.  I was totally pumped…which is probably where I got the yankee doodle baby saving grin from.

Once when my Mom was driving me to dance class I saw an orange leaf on a tree and I got so excited.  Finally, I thought to myself, finally the leaves are changing and we’re going to have a real autumn…and maybe even a real winter!

Yeah, that shit never happened.

Now that I live in a place where we actually do have seasons, I get completely immersed in the festive atmosphere.  No, I don’t go around kneeling with an American flag and a baby anymore.  After 40, that shit’s just creepy. My enthusiasm for the holidays does add an extra level of danger to a season that’s already fraught with temptation, though.  Like I said yesterday, Halloween is my own personal gateway drug…and I’m not gonna let it grab me this year.

I’ve spent the past week or so giving some serious thought to what really sets me back this time of year.  What are the potential pitfalls I’m going to come up against and how can I avoid them?  What do I really love about the holidays?  What will I be sorry I missed if I don’t indulge in it?

That’s how I came up with my Plan that Can…and here are the basics:

  1.   Get through Halloween without anything scary popping up on the scale
  2.   Enjoy Thanksgiving fully, guilt free, and with my self-respect intact
  3.   Have a Hap-Hap-Happy Christmas & a Lighter New Year

Of course I’m going to share the juicy details of each of the parts I just listed…otherwise, this is just lame, right?  Baby steps, folks.  I’ve learned that I can’t fully be one with my kick-assery skills if I go too fast.  This is going to be a multi-post blog series.  For now, I plan to tackle Halloween.

Here are the details of my Halloween attack plan:

  •  No chocolate of any kind in this house.  And no Twizzlers.  And no Swedish Fish. Or Sugar Babies.  Basically, only cheap CRAP candy is allowed:  suckers, Dum Dums, those straw things with flavored sugar that I liked when I was 9 years old.  Those cheap, disgusting gummy body parts are ok for some reason.  They don’t ring my bell.  I don’t know why Swedish Fish are yummy and gummy eyeballs are gross, but I don’t set the rules…my food demons do.  I just work within the rules to get what I want.  If it looks like a severed toe, it’s not at all tempting…I don’t give a shit why.
  • Five second rule.  Doesn’t matter if I’m at work, at home, out with friends…I’m enacting the 5 second rule.  If I’m around something tempting, I have to do something about it in 5 seconds.  A co-worker gives me a little festive baggie of candy, I’m dumping it in 5 seconds.  In line at a potluck and I see a gorgeous cheesecake while I’m dishing up from the fruit bowl…5 seconds…MOVE!  Back away from the cheesecake, Princess.  The purpose of the 5 seconds is to not give myself the time to bargain or give in.  5 seconds.  I’ll either toss it in the kitchen/break room at work…give it to someone else…run away from it or throw it in the trash can.  Whatever it is, I’m thinking of me first…and all my hard work.
  • Indulge without Bulge.  There are things I love about Halloween that I don’t want to do without.  Roasted pumpkin seeds aren’t really a big no-no, but if you roast them in olive oil like I do…well…you still have to count it.  I’m still going to have my pumpkin seeds – and I’m not going to limit how many I have.  I’m going to eat as many as I want, but I’m also going to counter attack them by adding an extra workout and eating lighter meals the rest of that day.  Repeat after me:  adjust…so you don’t bust.  And (just because I know how completely full of shit I can be when it comes to excuses) I’ve already set the rule that I have to do that workout before I indulge in those roasted seeds or any other treat I decide to indulge in.
  • Fun.  I will replace food with fun.  We have no kids of our own, but we have a neighborhood full of the coolest kids around.  So I’m going to spook up the house with fog machines and lights and all my usual tricks…and I’m going to sit outside and watch trick or treaters.  Think back to when you were a kid and you were trick or treating…there was always that one house on the block that was so much fun, right?  Yeah, that’s my house.  This year, I’m having fun with the neighbors instead of mowing through mini snickers on the couch.

With this four-pronged attack and my usual eating/logging – and added workouts…well, Halloween oughta get a run for her money.  Last year all I did was buy $50 worth of crap and eat it all night.  Then I felt sick after.  This year will be different.  This year will be better.

In fact, I’m gonna level with y’all…I’ve been thinking some crazy thoughts lately.  Crazy in an awesome way.  I don’t just want to get through the holidays without gaining weight.  Nope.  I want to kick it up about a notch and a half.  Later this week, I’ll tell you how.

Today is October 16th.  There are 16 days left until Halloween, all of which will be heavily blogged about, peeps.

If you want to follow along, be sure you’re subscribed to my blog via email…because I’m going to be posting quite a few times a week.  If you watch for my posts on Facebook, you may not always see them.  That’s just the way Facebook works with fan pages.  So look up at the top of my home page on the right and find the SUBSCRIBE section…and subscribe via email!

If you want to create a similar plan for yourself, it’s time to start thinking about your own temptations and what really screws you up.  Then find a way around them:

Avoid the things you know you can’t control.

Have a plan of attack for the times those things surprise you.

If you plan to indulge, plan to work it off…and don’t let yourself down!

Find a way to enjoy the things you really love about the holidays…and make sure you won’t come away feeling deprived. Adjust so you don’t bust.

This is about being real…this about finding positive, fun ways to bring healthy changes to my life.  Because I know I can do it, because I want to prove it can be done.

Y’all know what I say:  No rest for a fat girl with a plan.  Bring it.

6 thoughts on “The Plan that Can

  1. Chocolate is definitely a trigger food for me! If I eat one thing chocolate and there’s more around, it’s like those huge domino sculptures – before you know it, they’re all down and there’s nothing left but carnage!!
    Yep, staying away from triggers…

  2. You know i love your writing, cant say it often enough either. You are doing so well and really are an inspiration. I have followed your blog from the beginning and really have to continue reading it :).
    May i use your attack plan for my blog ? I may adapt it a little to work for me, we don’t celebrate halloween in Holland but we have other festive holidays coming up….
    Thanks for sharing, huggles from Holland

    1. Jacquie! Good to “see” you around again, girl! Of course you can use my attack plan!! If it’s going on a publicly posted blog, I’d appreciate a link back! Huggles back from Texas!! 🙂

  3. Here’s a potluck tip for you…go through the line behind the skinny lady and take the same things or quantities that she took. And especially take note of the desserts she takes. This really works for me. Good luck, you’re not alone.

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