Hey, peeps! I haven’t done Mama Kat’s blog meme in a few weeks, what with all my landmark announcements, so I thought we’d have a bit of fun this week. Those of you on my Facebook fan page voted…and this is the blog topic that won…so here we go. I’m gonna do this countdown style.
10. Bridges. I’m actually a lot less scared of them than I was before I moved to Texas. Becoming a “naturalized Texan” has given me courage I thought I’d never have. And balls. Big slapp’in balls. Not literally, of course, but I already wax quite a ‘stache off my upper lip every few weeks…I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suspect that I’ll have actual testicles when I hit my golden years.
9. Parents who raise their kids without teaching them consequences…and that everything won’t always go their way. I weep for the future.
8. Bugs. That’s not really a big shocker if you’ve read this blog for a while or you follow my fan page on Facebook – but here in Texas we have bugs so big they can fly away with a Poodle in their mouths. I love Texas, but the creepy critters scare the crap out of me.
7. Never having a clean house. Seriously, it’s just Hot Mess Hubby and our mini zoo here…and yet I can never get this house clean. I used to be able to do it. I would spend all weekend cleaning and then I’d sit back on Sunday afternoon for an hour or two and admire it all before we started messing it up again. Now I can’t even get halfway there. I would love to be able to sit on the couch and be able to see the surface of the coffee table…or not see a laundry hamper in the hallway. Is it too much to ask to have a home that always looks like a page from the Pottery Barn catalog?
6. Snakes. Do I even need to explain that one?
5. Farting loudly at work. One of my girlfriends sent me a text one day from work and I’ve never gotten over it. She was listening to music on headphones while working at her desk when she snarted (that’s a sneeze that triggers a fart for those of you not in the know). She had no idea if anyone heard her. I laughed so hard I cried…and I’ve been petrified of the same thing happening to me ever since. So much so that I pull an earbud out before I let any sneakers go at work…just to be safe.
4. Pickles. Okay, maybe I’m not exactly afraid of pickles…but I am disgusted by them. They’re revolting. Unfortunately, Hot Mess Hubby loves them. I won’t even kiss him after he eats one. Yuck!!! If he wants a kiss he can brush his teeth with a bottle of bleach and a wire brush. Or wait till tomorrow.
3. Embarrassing myself in front of “important people”. I’m not typically accident prone at work, but if there’s an executive within 10 feet of me I’d trip over a hair laying on the carpet. The same thing goes for anyone I’m trying to impress…or hunky famous people.
It was my job to read a Bible verse at my girlfriend’s wedding one summer not too long ago. As it so happens, her husband’s family is very close friends with Kiefer Sutherland. I was assured that he probably wouldn’t be there, yet guess who walked in five minutes before the ceremony? I was a sweaty mess, uncomfortable in a giant pastel pink suit with a gaudy scarf tied around my neck to conceal the angry red gash in my throat from the thyroid surgery I’d had two months before…walking on grass in stabby heels, trying not to sink into the wet ground before I got up to the gazebo where the bride and groom were – or worse: catch my heel on a sprinkler doohicky and do a face plant into the father of the bride’s crotch. It all turned out okay (and Mr. Sutherland is even yummier up close, y’all!).
2. Having weight loss surgery. It would be stupid of me not to consider it as an option at some point if I can’t get this done on my own…but I’m afraid of the shit storm I would bring on myself mentally if I ever actually did it. I’ve been close to it. I’ve seen countless friends do it. Surgery takes a kind of courage I don’t think I’ll ever have. Being obese is risking my life enough…I don’t want to risk my life to hit my goal weight as well.
1. Never hitting my goal weight. I know many of you can relate. Yet as much as I fear it never coming true, I still believe it will. I can see it on the road ahead…far in front of me. I can imagine it. When I fall asleep each night, I dream of it.
I see myself riding a rollercoaster with Hot Mess Hubby for the first time in forever. I ride a bike. I rollerskate. I fit into a seat at The Ballpark in Arlington to see my beloved Texas Rangers play…and the seat doesn’t leave bruises on my legs. I wear dresses. I buy a pair of high heels to match every designer handbag in my arsenal. And I can’t stop smiling.
Fear of never hitting my goal weight is the biggest fear I have, but the more I think about life at the other end of this road the smaller that fear gets. So down this road I go…afraid or not. ♥ I’m grateful that you’re with me.
Now it’s your turn…what are you afraid of?