There’s Too Much Hair Down There

If you actually opened this blog post to read it, please stop what you’re doing right now and give yourself a huge effing hug from me. Holy shit you’re a loyal reader!!! I’d have been way too scared to open a post that might be about some crazy chick’s lady garden but hey, that’s just me.

hmp funny

As a reward for your bad-ass loyalty, let me go ahead and assure you right now that this post is not about my lady garden. Read on in peace, my friends.

I was in the shower a few weeks ago, lathering up my luxurious mane (I thought romance novel verbiage would work here…maybe not) when I looked down at the drain and thought to myself “Oh holy shit…there’s too much hair down there.” Seriously, it looked like a few hamsters had somehow sneaked into the shower and got squished into the drain by my giant Flintstone feet. Yabba Dabba Death.

As I was rinsing conditioner from my silky tresses (still not working? Shit…) I pulled on my hair just a little bit and dozens upon dozens of strands came loose. Uh oh. That can’t be good.

They warned me about this. Hair loss is a fairly common side effect of weight loss surgery. I remember my best friend calling me on the phone one day about 12 years ago…in tears because she was pulling clumps of her hair out after gastric bypass surgery. This was particularly painful because her hair was thin to begin with…and gastric bypass is a “malabsorptive” surgery, meaning that it prohibits you from getting all the nutrients from the food you’re eating. It was the only weight loss surgery available back then.

This has been going on for a few weeks now and I haven’t panicked. The only reason I haven’t blogged about it before now is that I seem to have teetered off my regular blogging schedule (does that mean I’m bloggy constipated?) and I haven’t gotten around to it. I didn’t share it on my Facebook fan page because they always find out everything first…I had to save something to actually post on the blog, right? So you’re all finding out at the same time, Facebook fans and email subscribers alike.

By the way, I took this picture for y’all about a week ago. You’re welcome.

What I typically pulled out in the shower...and then there was an equal amount caught in my hair brush
What I typically pulled out in the shower…and then there was an equal amount caught in my hair brush

I didn’t panic for two reasons: first because this is no more hair than I was pulling out of my head two years ago for reasons I’ve never been able to explain…and second because I knew it was only temporary. Plus I have super thick hair. Like…I’m sure my family tree and Chewbacca’s meet somewhere up the line.

Hair loss after weight loss surgery can start up anywhere from 3 months to a year later and it can last a few months. It’s a temporary side effect and hair will eventually grow back. I’m pretty lucky. I’ve gotten into the habit of pulling on my hair in the shower now to see what happens and last night there wasn’t much that came out.

Hopefully I’ve experienced all the hair loss I’m going to have, but if not I’m feeling resilient. Honestly, though, if I have to deal with hair loss why can’t I wake up and be all “Oh awesome! I don’t have to shave my legs anymore!” or “Yo, I wiped my hoo-hah after I peed and now I’ve got a Brazilian!”

Cripes. Why can’t we women catch a break?

Natrol Biotin 10,000 mcg Maximum Strength Tablets, 100-Count

Conair Velvet Touch Paddle Hair Brush

2 thoughts on “There’s Too Much Hair Down There

  1. Well, at least you had a lot to start with. I feel bad for your thin-haired friend.

    I think that you have had an amazing attitude through all of this and I admire your calm and the research that you put into this weight loss quest. Keep it up 🙂

  2. It’s about time someone else sheds a little around there, you’re just one of the fam! The ads that show up are funny, a hairbrush & biotin–stomach surgery toolbox essentials! We support you, less hair or more hair! (Brazilians are really cool at the European Wax Center–not to plug them but just to say they are respectful & don’t hurt as much cause of their prurple wax stuff. Maybe a treat for the 200!)

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