I have (sort of) finished my latest project. It should be more polished and definitely more colorful, but my desire to get it on the wall was outweighed by my need to be perfect.
I want each and every one of you to know that your comments and emails mean so much more to me than you will ever know. I can’t explain to you what it’s like to receive the responses I have. Let me just say that many of your comments have moved me to the point of tears – good tears – and I am overwhelmed and grateful that you’re here.
Back when I first started this blog, there were a few people in my life who were not so supportive when it came to me putting myself out there like this. Some reactions were pretty cruel – but I’ve had the writing bug since I was 9 years old…and the voice inside me will not shut the hell up.
It means the world to me that you read what I write – and it means even more to me that my story is motivating you to keep going with the positive changes in your own lives. Like most men, Hot Mess Hubby doesn’t quite know what to do when I get all choked up…and there have been many days lately when one of you will post a comment or send me an email and I’ll turn to him and say in a voice cracked with emotion, “Babe…listen to this…”
I feel the need to keep you with me during the times when I’m most challenged and vulnerable. At this stage of my process, a lot of those times happen when I’m on the treadmill. I usually just put the ear buds in and strut away, but everyone has their bad days. Exhaustion, futility, self-doubt…they all get to me. I try my best to force my focus back on my goal and away from the negativity.
Sometimes I look at the timer on the treadmill and think “Only 7 minutes…really? It feels like 27 minutes…” Until now, I’ve had nothing else to focus on but a blank white wall. I need to re-do this with more color, but for now the content is more important to me than the presentation:
Those are just a fraction of your comments and emails, printed and posted right up in my face where I can be reminded of the fact that I’m not in this alone…and that my words and my journey mean something to you. My next goal is right there in my face as well…along with my own personal challenge to do 30 seconds more on the treadmill than I did yesterday…and the day before that…and the day before that.
I hate that there’s so much white still. It needs color! Someday I will have a beautifully decorated bedroom with color on the walls and furniture that doesn’t make me cringe. If I have my way, every room in my house will look like a board on Pinterest…but for now, this will do – and it’s definitely better to look at now.
Thank you for letting me know that I make a difference to you. All of you make such a difference to me.