…not into the jar I wanted, though.
I have gained 7 pounds. Gained. Me. I thought I was over this shit.
I plinked 7 marbles back into the “Pounds to Go” jar.
I sat myself down yesterday and took a good hard look at the decisions I’ve been making. Just sitting down and looking this squarely in the face did me a world of good. It helped me put some things in perspective. Mainly:
– First, it’s only 7 pounds. I jumped right on the Coulda Woulda Shoulda train and started beating myself up at first. Then I got a grip and remembered to be grateful that I caught this when I did. Not too long ago, I wouldn’t have realized there was a problem until my pants wouldn’t zip…and then I’d just order pizza and give up.
– Second, the fault lies squarely on my shoulders and my shoulders only. I got a little lazy in a lot of ways:
* I stopped logging my food. When I finally do hit my goal weight, I’m not always going to log my food…but I think I stopped too soon. (And maybe I will always log it…who knows!) Add to that the occasional margarita or two…a fork full of peanut butter as a quick snack…and that shit adds up.
* I started grazing. We don’t keep junk food in the house anymore, so I guess I figured I’d be okay…but an unplanned handful of almonds is a lot of calories right before bed – and I’ve been guilty of that a lot lately.
* I fell back on “convenience eating” a little. Most junk food and fast food doesn’t appeal to me anymore at all, but there are some places that still tempt me. Whataburger is one, but that’s easy to avoid because it’s inconvenient for me to go there most days. The local mom & pop pizza place that makes a delicious large pepperoni pie, however…that’s another thing. Hot Mess Hubby and I have been too willing to just not cook lately. Tsk tsk tsk! I need to remember that I am worth all this trouble…and that includes cooking for myself.
In addition, I’ve been eating out more at work. Not a huge deal, but if I’m going to eat out more I need to make better choices when I do. Or work it off on the treadmill. I’ve done neither.
* I have still not been successful at making exercise a habit. Tick tock, tick tock…time’s a wasting!
So this is what’s been going on with me lately. I’m not going to beat myself up over this, but I did give myself one good solid kick in the ass. I deserve that. Now I’m in “fix it mode”. I can’t just beat myself up and do nothing else…I need to get moving in the right direction.
I’m going to start weighing every day again. See what happens when I don’t? I get too complacent. Too much bargaining goes on in my head. I’m not saying this is what everyone should do, but this is what I have to do. This is what works for me. When I stop, this is what happens.
I’m back to logging my food. I logged today and I have to be honest…I felt a little deprived. I felt restricted. I wasn’t happy to feel this way. I’d been telling myself I was tougher than this. In reality, I’ve been eating more calories than I need – and because I haven’t been logging my food and haven’t been getting on the scale, I didn’t see it. I haven’t been using all the wonderful tools I have at my disposal.
No more grazing. In fact, after dinner I’m going to start drinking hot tea again. Sometimes I forget that my Keurig brews tea just as well as coffee (which I only have once in the morning). When I’m hungry after dinner, hot tea is very soothing and helps me feel full. Plus it’s herbal…and healthy.
Speaking of healthy, I went out and bought healthy food for my mini fridge at work. I’m only going to eat lunch out once a week. That’s it. When I eat out, I’m going to lighten up on other meals and make sure I work out that day.
And finally…come hell or high water…I’m going to make exercise a healthy habit. I’m going to do it…I just have to figure out what works for me.
Maybe I was being naive, but I really never thought I would have to move any marbles back to the “Pounds to Go” jar. It was not a good feeling to move those marbles, but I had to. I gained those pounds back. It didn’t feel right to let them sit in the “Pounds Lost” jar when they didn’t stick. If anything, it strengthened my resolve to plink them the hell back into the “Pounds to Go” jar.
This is hitting me at a bad time, but I am the only one to blame. (And really…when is it a good time?) I’ve got some extra stress in my life right now. Our Saint Bernard, Kirby, has a cancerous growth on her back and has to have surgery on Thursday.
This girl…this 120 pound angel in fur…she is my heart & soul. I’m having a hard time not obsessing about this. We won’t know anything more until Thursday and I’m just trying to get through it as best I can. I can’t lose my girl.
As if that wasn’t enough, I’m facing a medical scare myself. (Is it weird that I’m more upset about my dog’s cancer than about my own medical scare?) I will share what mine is about after I know what I’m dealing with…and after I’ve told my family & friends. If there’s anything to tell. It may be nothing. That’s what I’m praying for. I have to be sure – and because I’m not feeling well, I’m skipping the treadmill today…and probably tomorrow.
There is a little good news in all this, though. 🙂 I’m attending my very first blogger conference this weekend. I feel like a “big kid” now…sitting at the grown-up’s table. I’m going to have a great time meeting my fellow bloggers and learning how to produce a better blog! I’m really looking forward to this weekend…and I’m hoping I’ll have good news from the vet and from my doctor so that I can just enjoy my learning experience.
As soon as I plinked those 7 marbles back in the “Pounds to Go” jar, I promised myself I would focus on the road ahead and stop focusing on my big screw-up – so that’s what I’m going to do. I gained them back. Okay. But you know what? I’ve lost them before. They should be scared right now…because here I come again.
With a vengeance.
Have you screwed up? Put down the pizza and just walk away from it, peeps. Let’s go. The only time we really fail is when we stop trying. Don’t leave me standing on this road all alone. Tell me your story…let me hear from you. Tell me how you’ve navigated over the setbacks.
Let’s get going…we have work to do.