Here I sit, after rolling out of bed and brushing my teeth, standing at the beginning of a path I’ve never walked before. It’s exciting when I think about it that way…because I only seem to get so far on the old path before I let myself get mired down in traffic. I love this quote by motivational speaker Anthony Robbins: “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” When I think about it that way, this is exciting to me. I feel very much alive and in the moment this morning.

I didn’t wake up with a sense of dread this morning. Partly due to the fact that I’m still full from HMH’s amazing grilled steak tacos last night. I’m not hungry yet, so I’m drinking water this morning because I still haven’t learned how to consistently drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. This morning I woke up with a sense of purpose to distract me from any fear or apprehension I’m feeling. I know it’s down there somewhere, but I’m not eager to yank it up and deal with it. I much prefer this feeling of calm and peace. I know what I need to do and I’m doing it.

This probably sounds insanely ridiculous, but for the first time in a long time I’m actually focused on taking care of my physical health. I never drink water in the morning, but I’m already through 12 ounces. I usually have creamer with a little coffee in it…but I gave that up weeks ago. Three years ago, it was Diet Dr Pepper…but I gave that up too. Fifteen years ago, it was Coke. Not Diet Coke…real Coke. I would consume an 800 calorie Coke on my way to work every morning. I can’t stand the thought of drinking one of those now. Oh, how this Hot Mess Princess has changed…and continues to change.

So I stumbled into the bathroom this morning and I got on the scale. After a week and a half of reasoning like “I just want to taste this one more time” and “Oooh! I really want some of that, guess I better eat it before the liquid diet”, I’ve gained a few pounds. In fact, I’m now one pound heavier than my highest weight of 382 pounds.

I would be embarrassed, but honestly I never would have eaten half the stuff I’ve eaten lately had it not been for my birthday, anniversary, and surgery all combining together. I’m not embarrassed because I don’t see the point. It is what it is. I’ve done a lot of celebrating lately and I’ve said a lot of “goodbye for now” to foods I plan to stay away from after surgery. This is my starting point for better or worse.

Sorry for the bad pedi, by the way. I really wanted to go get a spa pedicure before surgery but it turns out I’m not supposed to wear any nail polish for surgery. It’s like they don’t care if I look my best. What the hell?

I’ve updated the weight loss ticker on the upper right side of my blog. It says 0. It won’t say that for long. Right now, my plan is to focus on getting through this liquid diet and that’s all. I want to stay away from the scale because I don’t want to get obsessed with it – but if I do get legitimately curious I’m not going to deny myself a look. I plan to play it by ear and really examine my reasoning before I get on the scale. When I do, you’ll know it.

I also plan on walking more, even though my feet are still killing me. The right one is being a little bitch. I’m going to get up from my desk every hour or so and walk the entire floor at work. I just need to get my legs moving. Get my circulation going. Wake shit up. I’m not going to try to burn any major calories because this full liquid diet has precious few calories as it is. Speaking of which, I’ve now opened my food diary on My Fitness Pal to be viewable by anyone who’s a friend – so if you’re my friend on MFP, you have access to see what I’m eating drinking. You’ll be able to see how many calories I’m consuming.

If you’re not my friend on My Fitness Pal, you should be able to click the weight loss ticker up there and go to MFP and find me. I’m HotMessPrincess.

I’ll probably be blogging more than usual this week since this is my outlet for talking about my four asses and the times we’ve had together. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your comments and your messages. Thank you for your support. You all mean the world to me and I’m grateful for each and every one of you.

Now let’s get this shit done, peeps. ♥ I’m ready as I’ll ever be!

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