This has been a hell of a week.
I started the pre-op liquid diet on Tuesday morning. Day 1 wasn’t bad. The novelty of it all made it a challenge. I’ve done a day of this before and ended up with a migraine, so I was curious to see if I’d get one again. I didn’t!
If you’re thinking about having any kind of bariatric surgery, I can’t stress enough the importance of weening yourself off of all or most of your vices before you hit the liquid diet phase. I think it’s made all the difference in my experience. When I started the liquid diet, I had already quit diet soda, coffee, and fast food. As a result, I haven’t had any migraines or headaches. The only side effect in all of this has been a few dizzy spells due to low blood sugar (my nutritionist told me how to fix that) and some very snarly hunger pangs.
Days 2 and 3 were pretty awful. I had growly hunger most of the time. The protein shakes take some getting used to as well.
Day 4 wasn’t so bad. I was getting the hang of it, the shakes weren’t bothering me, and I was distracted by my excitement over getting to see “Catching Fire” on opening night.
Day 5, today, has been a real bitch. It’s Saturday. At work, I had my job to distract me. Here at home I have nothing to keep my mind off the fact that I can’t eat anything. It’s not even about my “vice foods” anymore, it’s just about not being able to eat at all. I know it’s just my mind and my situation, but every other damn commercial on tv is food related. Today has crawled by.
Finally this afternoon I made myself get up and go check the mail – and imagine how happy I was to see my November Birchbox in the mail. Yay! Something fun. I opened it up and came face to face with this:
Seriously, who’s got the HMP voodoo doll? F*ck a duck…
And here’s the best part: there’s a huge winter storm coming our way. We’re expecting sleet and ice. It’s a bad situation for the DFW area…the day before my surgery. Getting to my pre-op appointment is going to take some serious ingenuity…and here’s hoping the roads clear by Tuesday and my surgeon can get to the hospital. Seriously. I will kill someone with a plastic spoon if I have to be on this liquid diet one day longer than necessary.
I’ve known for a long time that I’m comforting myself and emotionally eating when I eat my “vice foods”, but what I never understood until now is that I have an emotional connection to just…eating. Maybe it’s normal for everyone to have an emotional connection to regular eating, but I never connected with it. I thought this would be hard because I wouldn’t be able to eat the bad things anymore, but what really makes it hard is not even being allowed to eat the healthy things I enjoy.
I feel like an enormous wuss for even writing this, but it’s how I’m feeling right now…and I promised to be honest. I’ve been near tears all day long – and while I think I’ll be able to put my head to my pillow tonight without actually shedding a tear, I feel like a walking talking open wound right now. It’s wearing on me today in a way that I didn’t expect…and the idea of spending most of tomorrow away from HMH isn’t making things easier for me.
All day long I’ve been praying for the moment when I can take an Ambien and make myself go to sleep. It’s that kind of a bad day.
Monday starts the clear liquid diet. That’s going to be absolute hell. I’ll get no nutrition from anything but sugar free jello and broth. And I hate all broth. I just went in the kitchen and made more to see if I’d changed my mind. Nope. Still a gag fest.
Tuesday will be no nutrition or water all day. Surgery right in the middle of that. When I get back to my room, there’s no water or ice chips waiting for me. I have to wait all night without even ice chips. The next morning I’ll go for a barrium swallow test, which will determine whether my new stomach has any leaks. If I pass the test, I get liquids again.
The rest of the week will be clear liquids, followed by the full liquid diet of protein shakes again. I won’t get to try real foods for a few more weeks. It’s getting to me.
I hope most of this has been coherent. I took an Ambien in the middle and I can see myself spelling badly. Please forgive.
I’m going to go zonk out now…positive thoughts and prayers are most welcome.
I love y’all.