Looking Forward, Milestones, Starsky and Hutch

Yesterday was fun. I raffled off the Meal Measure portion control tool after having tested it and determined it’s not extremely helpful in the Hot Mess household. But there were plenty of you who did think you could use it and I was very happy to raffle it off to a good home where it will be used and loved appropriately. Congratulations, Emily!

The raffle got me to thinking, though: what a great way to have fun! I’ve always loved raffles. There’s nothing like the excitement of winning something, is there? Who doesn’t love winning stuff! I think this is the perfect way to celebrate my weight loss milestones with everyone who reads my blog and supports me.  Here are the milestones that are victories along the way to my goal weight:

331 lbs – Vindication! I lost 50 lbs in 2010, only to get cocky and “take a break” for my nephew’s wedding. I completely derailed myself and gained all 50 lbs back. Hitting 331 will exorcise that demon for good!

299 lbs – Holy crap! I’ll be in the 200’s. I will completely say goodbye to the 300’s forever. I will have lost 82 lbs at this point. I’d say hitting 299 on the scale is worthy of quite a celebration!

281 lbs – I will have lost 100 lbs! Go me!!!

265 lbs – This is what I weighed when I met my husband. Enough said, right?

225 lbs – A long time ago, I went from my (then) top weight of 295 pounds to 225 pounds. It was an amazing achievement, even if I lost it in a very unhealthy way. I hit a wall at 225 lbs and couldn’t lose another pound. I also started dating again and it didn’t take long for my fragile self-confidence to be shaken away. I gave up and started eating again and before I knew it….301 lbs. Seeing 225 on the scale will exorcise this mental demon and really give me something to smile about.

199 lbs – Today, at 354 lbs this seems like a dream. I can’t think about it for too long or I’ll get discouraged. Clearly, being in the 100’s will be an amazing victory for me. I haven’t been there since I was 20 years old. We’re going to have to seriously party for this one.

181 lbs – OMG, I will have lost 200 lbs! Freak’in AWESOME!!

155 lbs – GOAL WEIGHT! Let me just say that it’s been a long time since I’ve been under 200 lbs…so if I look absolutely fabulous at 165 lbs or…whatever weight, I will adjust my goal weight accordingly. It’s not about the final number for me, it’s about being healthy and looking great at the end of all this.

Eight milestones. When I look back on this list, it makes me smile. I feel excited…and a little scared. Mostly excited. After 3 months, I still feel like my head is in the right place and my feet are firmly on the right path. I feel good.

I may decide to add in some NSV’s (Non Scale Victories) at some point. For example, dropping a size or finally leaving the glamorous world of elastic waists behind me. Those things should be celebrated as well, don’t you think?

For now, the scale is holding firmly at 354 and that is actually a very good thing. Why? Because the 7 Dwarfs of the Apocalypse are very close -in fact, Bloaty has already come for his visit…the little bastard.

COURTESY WARNING FOR MY MALE READERS: Read at your own risk from this point forward. There’s girl talk come’in!

Bloaty the evil dwarf is here. Cranky arrived a few days ago. That means that Starsky & Hutch are hurt’in big time. I probably need to explain that one, don’t I?

Yeah, well…when I was a teenager it was cool to name your boobies. It never occurred to me to name them after GIRLS. Hello, Dianne? Anyone home??? No, I decided to name them after the two coolest, grooviest detectives in California: Starsky & Hutch. Shut up…I was just a kid.  Anyway, I told that story to the Hot Mess Hubby once and he hasn’t stopped teasing me since.

But I digress…Starsky & Hutch are hurt’in. You girls know what that means: I’m taking on water like a sponge. In fact, I’m not wearing my wedding ring today because my fingers are a little swollen. So if the scale says 354 and I’m holding water….muahahahaha!!! That sucker’s going down when the Dwarfs pack their bags next week, right? Right!

My goal is still 349 by the end of the month. 5 more pounds to go. I’ve got this!!  Every day that I’m motivated and focused is like a gift to me and you are all part of that.  You keep me honest and you keep me talking about it instead of eating over it.  Thank you!

What milestones and victories are you looking forward to in your own weight loss efforts?

 

Source: google.com via Sarah on Pinterest


Super Blue Stuff OTC Pain Relief Cream

Housekeeping time!

This post will be super short because I just have some quick & dirty housekeeping things to share tonight…then I must skidaddle off to bed. I’m about 30 minutes into Ambien-land and I don’t want to bid on any eBay auctions!!

Tonight, I had the drawing to give away the Meal Measure portion control tool. (Congratulations, Emily!) This was such fun that I’ve decided to have more raffles in the future…and I’ve decided that they will coincide with some important milestone for me. More details on that to follow, but I can tell you that the first milestone will be when I hit 331 pounds. I’ll explain why later!

Also, for those of you who aren’t on my Facebook fan page…I got my new walking shoes today! Yay!!! I drove out to the store in the middle of a thunderstorm to get ’em. So happy!! Now, we’re having severe weather tonight and Mr Dyson was quite snuggly – so I didn’t get on the treadmill tonight. I’m wearing the shoes around the house tonight and can’t wait to walk on the treadmill tomorrow!!

The 7 Dwarfs of the Apocalypse are arriving soon…the bastards. There will be some days this week when I don’t feel like walking, let me just tell you. I feel confident that Mr. Scale will be my bitch again after the 7 Dwarfs leave…just you wait. For now, the scale is floating dead on at 354…which is fine with me. I’m eating healthy and doing great – the only thing I wish I could change was the week and a half long wait for my dang shoes!

I wish you all a good night tonight…I’m going to hit the hay and listen to the thunderstorms. I’ll be back soon. Until then:

Portion Control Tool…?

Okay, this seemed really cool one night when I stayed up too long after taking Ambien.  🙂  I’ve made some interesting, medicated purchases before – including the time I bid on 52 different eBay auctions at 2 am.  I finally got the chance to use it this weekend and, once I had it in my hand and was actually using it…I felt a little embarrassed that I spent money on it.

This “portion control tool” popped up on Amazon on that little “Customers who bought this also bought THIS” box:


Meal Measure 1 Portion Control Tool

Hot Mess Hubby says I’m part raccoon…anything shiny will get my attention…and he’s right.  Just don’t tell him I said so.

The Meal Measure portion control tool is dinner plate sized and pre-measured – so you’re supposed to slap this bad boy on your empty plate, then fill the open spots with the corresponding food.  You can’t see it in the photo, but the bottom pocket is for protein and the others are labeled “fruit”, “veggie”, and “starch”.

Wow, what a neat idea, right?  Instead of messing around with kitchen scales and measuring cups, here’s one piece that does it all for you right on your plate!  Well, that’s what I thought – but there are many ways in which this device fails miserably.

What I didn’t think about during my Ambien stupor…before I hit that wonderful “Buy With 1-Click!” button on Amazon.com was…my grilled chipotle chicken tacos…or my spicy blackened turkey burger…or my beloved, almighty kickasserole.  I mean, I don’t see a taco shaped hole on this thing…do you?  Where does the tortilla go?  Starch, I suppose?  What about my kickasserole?  It contains proteins and starches…now what?  Do I pick out all the potatoes out and put them in the starch hole, the chicken in the protein hole…etc?

In my opinion, this gadget works best if you’re eating a stand alone protein, some kind of rice, a separate veggie, and fruit – but not for much more.  I know the serving size and calorie content of all my recipes…so an extra piece of plastic isn’t going to help me.

Just for shits & giggles, here’s a picture of how it stacks up against the blackened turkey burger & baked french fries I had for lunch today.

 

I know, right!  That whole grain bun looks ridiculous shoved into the starch hole.  And the bun is really a grain, not a starch – but there is no hole for grain.  Are we not supposed to eat grains in this scenario?  I didn’t have an apple to stick in the fruit hole either.  For my purposes, it just seems silly to me.  I prefer the old fashioned way:  my trusty kitchen scale and my measuring cups.

There were other portion control devices on Amazon.com including this one:


The Healthy Portion Plate

This plate seems like a much better investment for those who are trying to keep an eye on their portions.  I’m not going to buy this one either, don’t worry.  My Ambien shopping days are over.  For a while.  LOL

I’ll feel much better about my lame-o impulse purchase if any of you feel like you want to try it.  Really.  Let’s have a raffle.  I’m hoping at least one of y’all think it’s cool or useful in some way.  If you’re interested in winning this, please comment and say so.  The winner will be chosen by random drawing on random.com and posted on Monday night by 8 pm.

If there are no takers, I guess I’ll toss it or donate it.  So…who wants it?

 

BodyMedia is here to help you lose weight!

Eating Naughty

When it comes to eating naughty, calorie-laden foods, I think it’s safe to say that I shed my amateur status years ago.  Most obese people have a love/hate relationship with food…and the only people I know who have ever successfully wrestled this tiger to the ground are the ones who made peace with their demons.  I think I’ve been successful for so long this time because I’m looking the demons right in their angry little green faces…and then clubbing the shit out of them with my weapon of choice:  common sense.

My first common sense victory happened when I decided to stop force feeding myself “diet” food and really spent some time & energy finding healthy food that I actually enjoyed.  I knew I wasn’t going to see any long term success if I stuffed my freezer with diet entrees and forced brown rice down my throat every night.  I really enjoy finding and testing recipes that are tasty and healthy – and I refuse to settle for anything less.

I love it when someone comes out with a lighter/leaner version of something and it’s absolutely delicious.  However, some of these lighter/leaner recipes make me wonder if the creator didn’t eat a big bowl ‘o stupid when they thought them up.

For example, I once saw a lighter/leaner recipe for Starbucks cake pops.  A single Starbucks cake pop has 180 calories.  This website published their lighter recipe, which made 24 cake pops that were 118 calories each.  Are you kidding me?

First of all, that’s only 62 calories less for all the trouble you’re going through to make them.  Second, I’m an eater.  I need 24 cake pops in my house like the world needs another Snooki.  Those cake pops would be whispering to me from the kitchen until they were all gone…which would take about as much time as it does to watch the evening news and a couple episodes of “Friends”.  Trying to save those 62 ridiculous calories would have given me a 2,832 calorie binge and a hell of a guilt trip.  No, thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also found a lighter recipe for Jamba Juice’s “Orange Dream Machine”.  The lighter recipe was 164 calories (compared to Jamba’s 350 calories) and contained fat free powdered non-dairy creamer and a packet of no calorie sweetener.  Jamba Juice’s recipe contains fruit, soy milk, and all natural ingredients.

It’s a no brainer for me…in favor of the original, higher calorie recipe.  I don’t go to Jamba Juice very often – so if I go, I’m prepared to spend a little extra time on the treadmill.  And I really don’t want to eat chemicals, ok?  Seriously.  Fat free powdered non-dairy creamer and a packet o’ chemicals just so we can say we had half  the calories?  What about the value of those calories?

If I’m really that hung up about the 350 calories in the 16 oz Orange Dream Machine, I’ll drink half of it and save half of it for tomorrow.  There!  I just cut it in half AND got to enjoy the other half the next day…voila!  Common sense.

I also have an issue with some of the recipes that appear in magazines like Cooking Light and Clean Eating.  I love these magazines…but there comes a point when I just want to roll my eyes and smack the crap out of the people in their test kitchens.   Clean Eating magazine once featured a recipe for coconut cream pie on their cover and I was so excited I nearly peed my pants right there in Barnes & Noble…right in front of the bridal magazine section where all the skinny girls stand, too.  How embarrassing!

I feverishly flipped through the magazine to see what the calorie damage was on the coconut cream pie and found a list of ingredients I’d never heard of before – including “organic evaporated cane juice”.  Whaaaat?

Oh, organic evaporated cane juice?  Yes, of course I have some of that in my pantry…right next to the jar where I keep Batman’s left testicle.  They’re both equally difficult to get a hold of.  Where do these ingredients come from?

Maybe the summer issue of Better Homes and Gardens will feature a super low-cal star spangled blueberry pie with just a few simple ingredients:

blueberries
pie crust
evaporated non-dry, whole-grain unbleached bleached white flour
apple flavored single malt gelatin granules
36.2 packets of calorie-free, sugar-free sugar substitute with bacon extract
the bark from the north facing side of a willow tree
and 1/2 of a banana

Jesus!  Sometimes it’s easier (and healthier) to just eat the original recipe, calories and all…and work it off the old fashioned way.

I’ve lost 27 pounds in 3 months – and that includes a trip to my favorite Texas buffalo wing bar and 2 nights of “we have no clean dishes, let’s just order pizza”.  I’m not saying that we shouldn’t all be trying to eat lighter as a whole, but sometimes it just doesn’t work.  Case in point:  buffalo wings.  I have never found a healthier, baked recipe that I enjoy.  EVER.  As far as I’m concerned, the extra calories are worth it.  However, I never need to buy a bag of oily chips again…because I enjoy my lighter, leaner potato chip recipe every bit as much as those oily chips.  More, actually.

Sometimes it’s okay to just eat naughty.  Get in touch with where you are emotionally.  Are you in a good place or a bad place?  Deep down, you know…and if you really don’t know, then don’t eat naughty until you do know.  Once you determine that you aren’t trying to medicate yourself with naughty food…go ahead and (gasp) eat it.  The trick is to actually take a little time and come up with a plan for yourself.  If you don’t have a plan, feel free to use mine…I can share.

Here are my 10 Common Sense Steps to Eating Naughty:

1. Figure out the caloric content & serving size you’re going to eat.  (Lying to yourself TRIPLES the calories…you’ve been warned.)

2. Figure out how much extra cardio you’re going to have to do to work it off.

3. Re-evaluate whether it’s really worth it to you to eat those calories.  Sometimes it is…and there’s nothing wrong with that.  If it’s worth it, commit to that extra cardio (and I mean set a time for it on the same day you’re eating naughty).

4. Make adjustments to your other meals for that day.  This is especially helpful if you’re eating something that’s very high in calories.  For example, if you’re eating something that’s 700 calories, then remove 350 calories from your other meals that day and burn 350 extra calories in cardio.  Do not skip meals!

5. If you’re cooking the naughty/unhealthy food and you know there will be leftovers, package it up IMMEDIATELY and send Johnny Jr. next door to give it to the neighbors…or the dog…I don’t care, just get it the hell out of your house.  You know you’ll go back for more if it’s still there before bed.

6. If you’re going out to a restaurant, are you eating the entire entree or will there be leftovers?  If there will be leftovers, ask the server to bring you a take-out container BEFORE your food.

7. Serve yourself the pre-determined serving amount.

8. Thoroughly enjoy it…guilt free.  If anyone makes any snarky comments, kick ’em in the Precious!

9. Get up off your ass and honor your cardio commitment before you talk yourself out of it.

10. Don’t visit Mr. Scale the next day…just in case he pisses you off or makes you feel guilty.

My best advice to you is this:  listen to yourself.  You know what’s really in your heart and your head.  If you can handle it and be honest with yourself, it doesn’t hurt to eat naughty once in a while.  If you’re not sure, either don’t do it…or start shopping for evaporated yak saliva and reconstituted cow hooves.  Yum!

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Happy National Potato Chip Day

Hey y’all!

Tomorrow…Wednesday, March 14th, is National Potato Chip Day.  🙂

It looks to me like this holiday was conjured up by the corporations that bring you highly processed, super fatty snacky chips…which we’ve all enjoyed at some point in our lives, right?  I certainly have!

Potato chips were one of the vices that I didn’t want to completely do without, so I set about trying to find a healthier way to enjoy them.  I never thought I would find the answer in my microwave, but I did.  Baked potato chips always came out squishy and chewy in the oven.  Oil would have to be involved on the stove top.  So my last ditch effort was the microwave…and it paid off.

I now make crispy, crunch potato chips in my microwave whenever I want…and I can make any flavor I want.  In celebration of National Potato Chip Day, I’d like to share a couple of my seasoning tricks with you.

The recipe for making these chips is already posted here on the blog on the “Recipes” tab – click here to find it.  Simply substitute these seasoning blends for salt and you’ve got a completely different chip!

Rosemary Garlic Chips

Light sprinkle equal amounts of dried rosemary, garlic powder, and fine ground sea salt across your chips before putting them in the microwave.

Garlic & Onion Chips

Lightly sprinkle equal amounts of garlic and onion powder over chips.  Top with fine ground sea salt and put in microwave

Bleu Cheese Garlic Chips

Lightly sprinkle equal amounts of garlic powder and fine ground sea salt on chips, then crisp up in microwave.  Immediately remove warm crispy chips from microwave and place on serving dish.  Sprinkle 3 – 4 table spoons of crumbled bleu cheese across chips.  (You can also crisp up 2 slices of bacon, crumble it, and dump that on top as well…but you’ll spend a longer time on the treadmill if you do it!)

I fully intend on posting some pictures of these for you at a later time, but with my thumb bandaged up from the knife incident yesterday I was a bit skittish about being near any cutting devices today.  LOL.

You absolutely can have tasty, crispy potato chips without any oil.  All you’re getting are the calories from the actual potato.  And one potato makes a crap load of chips, my peeps.  Crunchy, yummy goodness!

Once you’re done making your chips, grab a single serving size of non-fat, plain Greek yogurt from the fridge and a packet of your favorite dip mix.  Mix in just enough and you’ve got a super healthy alternative to chips and dip that won’t take it’s vengeance on your hips.  🙂   You’re welcome!

You don’t need to guzzle the processed crap coming from the chip manufacturers, trust me.  These are just as tasty and infinitely more healthy.  Give it a shot.  In honor of National Potato Chip Day…live a little.  🙂