To my fellow Hot Mess Americans, happy Independence Day!!!
We all have stress to deal with. Stress levels increase and decrease on life’s rollercoaster…and right now, my stress levels are pretty high. I’m usually such a ninja when it comes to dealing with stress, I don’t immediately notice when it really starts to get to me. I’m pretty good at keeping the wall built up so it doesn’t get in. Yesterday morning, that wall sprung a leak.
The worst part is that it happened at work. I was sitting at my desk and all of a sudden…tears. There was nothing that provoked it other than too much thinking about what may or may not happen with all the uncertainty in my life right now. Tears, emotions…all welling up and spilling over…and I couldn’t stop it.
Part of my stress is coming from work. We’re in the middle of a major reorganization and bankruptcy. I should find out in the next week or so if I still have a job. If I do have a job, it won’t be the same job I have now…so I don’t have any idea what I’ll be doing. There are other circumstances that I can’t speak about publicly that are quite stressful as well. It’s not a good situation. We’re all on pins and needles. Lay offs are happening. So imagine my horror when this all welled up…and I struggled to pull myself together before someone walked by and noticed. With all this going on, a person crying at their desk usually means they didn’t make the cut…and I really didn’t want to alarm my co-workers or start rumors.
I’m not usually a crier – at least not over negative emotions. Before yesterday, the last time I cried was when I was watching the end of the third Lord of the Rings movie. It always gets me when Aragorn says to the Hobbits: “My friends, you bow to no one.” Ugh! God, that gets me every damn time. I cry like an idiot. I’m getting off track here. My point is that if I’m crying over something bad, you know it’s bad…because I can take on a ton of crap before I reach my breaking point.
I held it together the rest of the day and came home to the Hot Mess Hubby. Poor guy had no idea I was on the edge until he was showing me the amazing meatballs he bought at Costco that are the best he’s ever tasted. Yeah. You guessed it. I cried. LOL. Before Costco’s devil meatballs came into the picture, hubby always said mine were the best. Stupid Costco.
Yes, I realized how ridiculous it was to be crying over frozen meatballs. I just couldn’t stop it. I knew I wasn’t really upset over meatballs, but the stress of the last several months was finally coming out…all at once…and since I was at home and didn’t have to worry about the rumor mill, I just let it spill. I did manage to get out “It’s not….about….the meatballs….” in between sobs. Poor hubby. LOL. Thank God we’ve been married long enough that he knows when to just be quiet and hug me.
When the waterworks finally stopped, I got myself a glass of water (it’s important to rehydrate after having a meltdown) and sat on the couch with Dyson the muppet puppy to start mentally sorting through how all these emotions snuck up on me.
My conclusion: that bitch Little Debbie.
Sometimes I forget that I’m a different person now. I used to deal with stress by stopping at the grocery store and buying enough Nutty Bars to stop a train, then tossing in some ice cream along with them. Oh, and don’t forget the big bag o’ chips…a girl needs something salty to compliment all that sweet. (That’s what I used to call a balanced diet.)
I don’t do that anymore. And I haven’t been working out consistently. Usually a workout does wonders to diffuse stress, but I haven’t been doing it. I also haven’t been sleeping, even on Ambien. I’m tired all the time when I’m awake. The scale isn’t moving. I have more migraines than usual. And I’m pretty sure that the amount of hair I’m pulling out in the shower is not normal. Thank God I have thick hair. Without the false comfort of compulsive overeating to calm my frazzled nerves, this is what happens.
I am going to head to the doctor just as a precaution, but I believe this is all the culprit of the Stress Monster and the fact that I didn’t really have a plan to deal with it. I’ve been so focused on hitting my goals…it seems I dropped the ball. Oops.
If I have a main point here, it’s to caution all those who are following behind me not to neglect this important part of making a permanent change in your lives. Don’t forget to come up with a good solid NEW plan for dealing with stress…because if you’re not going to be eating over it anymore, you have to do something else. So what’s it going to be?
For now, I think I’ll try to be better at wearing out my body with the treadmill…and occupying my mind with a little needlework every night before bed. If something else appeals to me later, I’ll do that too.
So…what negative ways were/are you dealing with stress? What’s your replacement plan look like? Let’s share…all our heads together are better than just one of us alone.
Talk to me.
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