Tomorrow is my consultation with the gastric sleeve surgeon.
Some folks have voiced their displeasure by unliking my Facebook page and unsubscribing to my blog and I was disappointed to see that. In the end, though, you have to do what’s right for you…and if you can’t even hang with the idea that I’ve made an appointment, then I guess I understand.
It reminds me of me 11 years ago, actually. My two best friends decided to have gastric bypass surgery…something I was adamantly against back then. Unlike now, when I feel like surgery is a tool that’s a very personal decision for people, back then I believed that it was WRONG. Surgery was a symbol of your failure to get your shit together. Surgery was not a tool, it was a band-aid solution to the real underlying problem: you can’t keep food out of your mouth. And I was a judgy bitch about it.
I tried to be a good friend and smile as my friends were excited about their surgeries. Underneath, I was absolutely seething with anger. I felt betrayed by my friends (which cracks me up to this day…because why did I have to make that all about me? It had nothing to do with me). So I guess in a way this is my karma for judging my friends when they were just doing what they needed in order to lose about 150 pounds each.
One of the things that sticks out in my memory of those days is the packets they came home from the surgeons office with about what they would have to do. Not surprisingly, eating healthy and working out was a major theme and that always sent me into a rant.
Why do you need surgery then if you’re going to have to work out and eat healthy? Why can’t you just do that???
The answer? Because surgery isn’t a solution to that problem – and we need to stop looking at it as a solution. Surgery is only a tool to help you stop the unhealthy eating and get the weight off consistently so that you can move again. That’s all it is.
I remember when I was little a friend of a friend of my Mom’s had her jaw wired shut for 8 weeks. People were freaked. Why on Earth would someone do that? Just put the fork down, lady! My God! Have you no self control???
No. Some of us don’t. We just don’t. We’re broken people. This doesn’t mean that we’re bad people, it just means our brains don’t work like other people’s in this way.
As for me personally, I know what my strengths and my weaknesses are. When I’m extraordinary when I’m eating healthy. I kick ass. But then the emotional eater kicks in. There’s something to celebrate, so I get dessert. Someone brings baked goods into work. I have 3 of whatever it is throughout the course of the day. The 7 Dwarfs of the Menstrual Apocalypse hits and I eat 37 brownies. Okay, that last one is an exaggeration, but I’m still loving and medicating myself with food.
What am I no longer doing? The things that got me to this weight in the first place. And those things are quite horrible. I no longer eat an entire large pizza for lunch. I don’t go through a half gallon of ice cream in a day. I don’t drink chocolate syrup straight from the bottle. I don’t make an entire loaf of cheesy garlic bread for dinner and chase it down with a container of Skinny Cows. (Yes…I really did this shit.) And I don’t get so impatient for cake that I drink the batter straight from the bowl.
These are all things I did to myself from the late 80’s to the late 90’s. Emotionally distraught from all the shit my dance teacher put me through, heaped onto my Dad’s alcoholism, my parents’ divorce, a guy in high school who stalked and tried to kill me, and my first love dumping me…from age 7 to age 22, my life was a fucking soap opera and that’s how I dealt with it. From my early 20’s to well into my 30’s I was an eating machine. I’ve been spending my 40’s trying clean this shit up.
So…if surgery is a tool that I can use in order to get some of this weight off my body quickly and put an end to my ability to take another piece of banana bread and drown my cramps with a pint of mint chip, then yes…after over 20 years of fighting this problem, I’m going to talk to a surgeon about it.
True to the spirit of this blog, I will share my experience with you…and I’ll share the decision I come to. One of the things I’m most proud of is the community of extraordinary people who have rallied behind me here and on my Facebook fan page. I hope you’ll hang around, no matter which direction I go. This “Battle of the Butt” that we’re all going through is very personal…and I love that we all support each other no matter what.
I’ll let you know what happens tomorrow. Promise.
14 thoughts on “Tomorrow’s the Day”
I’ve followed your blog for quite a while and love your sense of humor and your take on life. I’ve often wondered, however, why you don’t explore this option. You’re completely correct…..surgery is a tool. You might be totally mentally ready. I had gsv surgery a year ago. Best decision ever. But I made the decision for ME. Do your research. Think about it. Make the right choice. Keep us posted. Btw I’ve lost 100 pounds so far in a year.
Clearly those people don’t understand life. Sometimes you have to say “Plot Twist!” and move on. The most important thing I found from your words is how no matter how you were going on this journey, you were going to do it safely and what is right for you. Your humor jumps off the page and I feel that you must be a great friend to the people you know and love. This isn’t defeat, this isn’t giving in, it’s about using a tool that modern medicine has created to help people. So don’t worry about those people.
Thank you so very much, J 🙂
The most important thing is your health. Nothing else matters. Do what you think is best for your own health. Good luck tomorrow, keep us posted.
Many thanks, Dorie!
So many of us are in the same situation you are — pondering the alternatives.
Whatever you do, please, please, please keep writing about it. We need to hear it all! And we love hearing it from you! Most of us are forever in your corner, wishing you well, whatever those few who unliked/unsubscribed may have made you feel.
I will, tamar…promise.
I’m sorry people felt the need to unfriend/stop following you, but that’s their decision…just like this is YOUR decision. And all you are doing right now is exploring alternatives. A consultation does not equate to, “yes, I’m definitely doing this!” Regardless, we are all here for you, and will support you no matter what (at least I will 🙂 Keep us posted!!
You have to do what’s best for you and screw what anyone else thinks.
Thanks so much, Theresa 🙂
You know how I feel about this issue. I’m all for whatever helps you and your health! Those un-supportive folks, the ones who DARE to unfriend and unfollow you are just turning away from their own reflection in the mirror, the one that is screaming at them to STOP being such asshats and FACE THEIR FEARS!
You, my dear friend, are facing down every fear and every obstacle to do what is best for you, and I am PROUD OF YOU!
No matter what happens, you are incredible, brave, and an all-around force to be reckoned with. Do whatever you need to do to get better, and we will be cheering you on from our side of the screen no matter what.
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