Hey, y’all! It’s Wellness Wednesday, so let’s get to it.

2020 seems determined to teach me some serious lessons. I am consistently being taught that my normal methods for attacking any problem are not going to work in 2020…and so I need to rethink every strategy I’ve ever used in my life. Whatever, 2020…I’m so over you at this point.

The truth is…I’m sad. I am still sad over having to leave my job, even though I took a package to save my benefits and wasn’t just arbitrarily shown the door. It still hurts to be away from the absolute best job I’ve ever had and all the amazing people that made it a great place to work. With my head, I want to move on…I want to push forward, but my heart is not making it possible. My heart is broken and my motivation and focus is just not where it needs to be for much of anything.

I had planned on an organized approach to all the plans I’ve made now that I have some time to myself. That’s what I always do. It has not worked, nor has it felt like the right thing to do as I go about trying to focus on the tasks at hand. I thought a week and a half was an appropriate amount of time to let myself do whatever I wanted before I planned out all my days and headed towards my new goals. It’s not. My heart just isn’t in much of it. My heart is still heavy and I am torn between pushing myself to move forward or letting myself have a little more time to grieve.

What’s the answer? At this point, I’m not sure – but I have a new approach to try, so that’s what I’m going to do. This week and next, I plan to stick to the same goals and plans…but give myself more time. I will not be as regimented as I thought I should be. So here’s an update of where I am in my wellness plans and what I intend to do over the next week:

• I’ve lost 4 quarantine pounds this week.
• I struggle with motivation in taking my morning walk and doing yoga every morning, so I’m changing that from daily to every other day…at least until I feel motivated to do more.
• I struggle with wanting to eat junk food all day. I haven’t given in to that, but I think it will be helpful to me to go on a protein shake only regimen for a few days next week.
• I haven’t even begun to tackle the insomnia issue, except for beginning to reduce my caffeine intake. I’m starting to feel like might be smarter to just tackle the Ambien detox sooner rather than later. I haven’t made up my mind yet.
• I still struggle with practicing meditation as much as I wanted to.
• My creative goals, which I haven’t even shared the details of yet, are pushing at me constantly…and my energy is drawn to those projects first. I feel like I should allow that to happen, which is why the idea of doing the Ambien detox earlier also appeals to me.

I feel like this is a rather underwhelming Wellness Wednesday post, but can we just take a minute to acknowledge those 4 pounds I lost? It feels good to see that number on the scale creeping back down to where it should be.

For me, in order to move forward with any kind of purposeful momentum, my head and my heart need to be in sync. They’re not right now. And no matter how many motivational memes I read or post on Facebook, my head and my heart are still not aligned. So I must adjust my sails and be content with gently coasting around the sea right now…until I’m ready for a stronger current.

This next week will be more about not heaping a long list of expectations on myself and more about making smaller changes. Later this week, I’ll be back with an update on ALL the plans I’ve been making…but today is Wellness Wednesday, so we’re talking about that project and no others.

I do plan to blow up the dam that’s been keeping my creativity at bay for years. That will certainly be interesting, so stay tuned…and be kind to yourself today. You deserve it.